Insomnia.

As I lie on top of my 'soon to be packed' black comforter, my brain just can't seem to find the off switch to the wheels that keep turning in my head. Thought after thought, I'm finally giving up on the effort of trying to get even a minute of sleep tonight... why not keep the tradition going? Honestly, I can't seem to figure out if it's the unbearable choir of chirping crickets outside my window, my younger brother's booming music bass from his oversized stereo (which happens to shake the entire house with each beat), or the fact there is something seriously wrong with my sleeping pattern. Maybe a mixture of the three?

Ah, wait: stress. Bulls eye. That's gotta be what it is, right? As my mind bounces from what I'm going to do with my life, to how I'm going to loose these extra pounds I've managed to slab onto my 5'3" frame this summer, I feel as if an ongoing ping-pong game is going on in my head. Back and forth, back and forth; with one bounce leading to another. No winner, no ending. The mere stress of packing up the rest of room, not to mention the fact I'm one of the biggest procrastinator's I know. Stress of finding a job once I get back to Cleveland. Stress of paying for car insurance, phone bill, gas, clothes, food, and saving up for, eventually, an apartment. Stress of getting good grades and keeping up with the dreaded research papers. Stress that I STILL don't know what I want to do with my life. Stress that my life is actually going anywhere at all. Stress that I'm not going to measure up to the daughter my parents want me to be; the 'role model' for the rest of the family. Guess that's what comes with being first born though, huh? Sometimes I feel like the ping pong ball will never stop. Which brings me to the thought, 'Is there even a reason for all this stress?' Logically, one would read that question and almost immediately reply with a shrug, maybe a phony chuckle, and blurt out a big fat 'No.' After reading back through the sneak peek of my stress list, I wish I could do the same. Is my life really as stressful as I make it seem? Am I a total whack-o and over think way to much? Eh, it's arguable. Really though, my life truly isn't that bad; I'm not one of those 19 year old girls who have one of those white knuckle, grip the edge of your seat kind of stories. You know, the kind of life story where you could warp it into an ongoing series of movies or reality show. Not quite my life. Sure, I've had ups and downs; matter of fact, I'm still on the roller coaster ride as we speak. What it comes down to is this: my point that my over thinking gets the best of me. It causes stress, causes me to feel like a hopeless Raggedy Ann doll at times.

Wow, let me stop there. When I write, I tend to give a little more than a simple 'glimpse' of my thoughts. Sincere apologies. Maybe time for a new title for my blog perhaps? Already?

What it comes down to is, all in all I'm looking at this blog as a way to let loose of a few of the chunks of stress clogging up my life. Okay, I take that back. No, everyday won't be a giant stress bomb exploding all over the entry section of my daily blog, but I'm seeing this as a fresh start. A way to sort out my thoughts; whether the day persists to be one of those ear-to-ear whistle while you work sort of days, or just downright gloomy. And seeing that writing is a personal forte', mixed along with the inspiration from my best friend, I decided to ditch the run of the mill spiral notebook and take on a more advance, technological path.


Blogging world, here I come.