Ew!

I hate studying.

Especially for Psychology. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm definitely a fan of Psychology. But I just hate memorizing terms and names and dates.

Goodbye computer for a little while.

Oh, Sunday's.

Beautiful day today, for sure.

Sadly enough, I wasted the majority of it SLEEPING. So, it was relaxing nonetheless.. this whole weekend has been overall relaxing. Well, besides last night-I actually went out and socialized; and concluded for once and all I'm not really liking being around drinking and stuff. So, looks like that was my last partay outting for a long while. Not that I judge the people who do go whatsoever; it's just not for me. So now that I think about it, Halloween is on Friday. I'm probably just going to make a trip back to Knoxville for the weekend. Help the kids gets dressed up, maybe go to the church Halloween party thing and help out there, go to Smokey mountain's with momma to regroup and look at leaves and enjoy the fresh air, etc. Oh! And Menchie's is having free yogurt day on Friday/Saturday if you print this hat off their website and wear it in there. Definitely planning on hitting that up. And added to that, I honestly don't think I would be doing much of anything staying here! Although I do kind of love my alone time I get to have here, I miss my family.

On another note, not much in deep thinking mode right now. Just sitting in bed. Still tired, for some reason. Chill time. I've been reading more of my book though! On up to chapter 2, and it's definitely been helping me with my life overall. Just helping me to open my eyes to what really matters and stuff. Love it.

Check it:
http://www.invisiblechildren.com/about/
One dayyy?


Lose your head just for your heart.

Your Hand In Mine.

My Friday Night/Skypin':


I'd like to start off with the blank statement that I'm craving Skittles right now. Or Twizzlers. Or Starbust-something fruity!

Too bad I'm nothing but a broke college student. Unemployed.

Anyways, today mom came for a surprise visit to school, which made me happy; but then again the reasoning for the visit wasn't all my favorite I guess. I'll have to write more about it once I feel comfortable talking.. well, writing about it. Not that anyone reads this anyways.

So on that note, I'm kind of in a solitary mood tonight. Took a real long shower, made some pink lemonade, had Jesus time/started reading 'Waking the Dead', and am now currently listening to Explosions in the Sky on a man-made pillow and blanket bundle on my dorm room floor. And yes, it is Friday night. I am a college student. And I'm sitting in my dorm room. As LAME as that sounds. But at this very moment, I'm conetent with it. I'm over the whole 'party scene'. The whole dramatic outlook of college. And since it seems to be the only thing my friends here seem to grasp at, I'd rather just be by myself I guess. The upside of it, I get to have more Jesus dates and have been feeling a lot closer to him lately. I've also got to know the girls on my hall a lot better too. So, I feel a bit lonely yes, but I feel like it's for the best as of now.

The trials we face and struggles we go through only help us grow more. God is here with us; holding us in his arms. He wipes the tears that fall from our weary eyes, and weeps along with us.

Never alone.

FallFallFall!

Oh, and while I'm laying here all cozied up, I would also just like to put the point out there that I've decided fall is my favorite season.

As much as I despise being cold; I've come to the conclusion I love cold weather. If that makes any sense at all?! I can't get enough of the whole bundling up ordeal, coffee, tea, hot chocolate-er.. okay.. any hot drink in general, scarves, cuddling, being with family, pumpkins, jorunaling/writing, colorful leaves, boots, Christmas music (yes, Christmas music; jazz to be precise), and just the smell of the air. Ahh. And now that I read back over that list, it all sounds a bit trite. But I ain't messin!

I think about you everyday.

Gone.

Ah, why yes, I just deleted my facebook. And to be quite honest; I have no idea what to really do with myself right now.. which is kind of sad to say.

But really, I'm kind of just over everything. Over everyone. I feel like there's so much more out there then the latest pictures out there, or who is talking to who, blah blah blah, etc. To be quite frank, I'm ready to get out and go do something with my life. God has so much more planned for me-I know it. I'm over materialistic things. And self-centered people. So, I guess America in general? I haven't even got it pin-pointed on what it is exactly He wants me to do, but I'm continuing to pray about it and just fully trust Him.

Personally, I want to travel. Always wanted to. I want to help reach out. I want to go to Africa. I want to do SOMETHING. Even if it that something is minor. I just honestly am not diggin' this whole school thing at the moment. I don't know if it's just being stuck here in Cleveland, TN or what. And I know, I'm probably not even making sense right now, but I'm no maniac. Sure, one may say that 'taking a break' from school after only finishing up only 2 years is stupid. Just plain idiotic. But hey, at least I'll be helping people out in some way or form. Because as of now, I have absolutely NO idea what I want to do with my life. So why not take time to really focus on God, to gravitate away from the materialistic world I live in? I mean, this isn't going to be a permanent thing by any means. After I take off/try something new for a semester or two, I'm going to pick right back up and finish off my last 2 years. That way I can broaden my horizons a little. Get a feel for what else is out there. Venture out into the world God created; the world God wants me to reach out to. Over these past few weeks I've come to full realization that nothing is up to me. At all. God holds everything in his hands; he has complete control of every single thing in my life. I've wasted too much time not relying on God and trying to control life on my own, when it was him that I've been needing the whole time. The only thing I got out of all my stubborness is a whole 'lotta hurt-which I blamed him for.. when he should've been the last person I pointed my finger toward.

In other words, this is my post in which I'm stepping full speed ahead. Done with being caught up in the world's view and eyes; because none of it matters. What benefits will ever come out from me trying to measure up to be this perfect person in the world's eyes? How could life ever be worth livng that way?

Time to trust.

Taco Bell.

First off, it's probably not healthy how much of that Mexican fast food I devour. Chicken soft taco, and chicken burrito. Everytime. Well actually, I threw in some triple layered nachos in there tonight as well. Oh, and did I mention, probably the cheapest, satisfying meal around?! Really though, after tonight, I'm taking a little break from Taco Bell; and eating out in general. Not only is it the best choice for my little ole' turquoise wallet, but for my thighs as well. I just love logical explanations; who doesn't?

Today actually went real well. For some reason, waking up at the crack of dawn this morning didn't really phase me. AND I didn't even have any coffee in my system. Weird. Hopefully it'll carry on through the school year. Hmm, I kinda highly doubt it. Although, I am pretty excited I get to sleep in tomorrow; all I got it chapel and then P.E. class! What a joke. I've got a few projects/homework assignments I've gotta tackle though, so I guess it all works out for the best. Then the ever-dreaded Wednesday will be here. I hate Wednesday's. Mostly for the mere fact that I start off my day with a 9AM class and don't end until I hit the "log off" button on the computer of my CISS class at 7:30PM. Tryin' to stay positive about it though-it hasn't been too rough... yet.

Gosh, I could write forever on this thing. Looking back so far on what I've written, it's been somewhat of a bore, I'll admit. I know, I know; people these days would much rather read about sex scandals, drug addicts, or even politics for that matter over a little inside peek of the life of an aspiring 19 year old, Sophomore college student, right? Well, sorry to dissapoint you, I guess.

As for now, I'm going to continue my online-shopping adventure. Even though I have NO money; whatsoever. It's fun to dream big though, right? UrbanOutfitters.com, watch out: you're about to get stalked, big time. Oh! And I want to do something new to my hair too. Surprise, surprise. Just don't know what. I mean, can't really cut it any shorter, especially seeing how I am trying to grow it out. Maybe dye? Then again, it's fried-out enough. Probably be best to let it recondition for awhile. I'm stuck. Extensions by chance?! Nothing out of whack though, just a few inches more than likely. Ahh, the possibilities.

Even fairytale characters would be jealous.

Awh, here it goes again.

Woohoo, internet!

Got my 'ethernet' cord, finally. Due to being a broke college kid; kinda took awhile. Speaking of which, I'm still on the outlook for a job. So far, no luckkk. Blah.

Anyways, school so far has actually been going a lot better than last semester. Easy classes? Check. Only thing lacking is job. I'm quite fond of my room, seeing that it's bigger than my dorm room last semester, and my RA this year is awesome. Although-I'm keepin' my fingers crossed for the mere fact that I'm wanting to move off campus next semester, so we'll see what happens. Wish me luck.

Tomorrow is my kick-off day for my whole new "work out" routine. I'm going to get up early and run. I'm a pretty determined girl, so I'm thinkin' the whole agenda of getting up early to run each morning will actually be a good boost to my mornings. A way to clear my head, have my 'quiet time', and get in shape! Woo! So yeah, that's the plan. Positivity all the way. I mean hey, I might even manage to melt off a few pounds?!

Lately I've been even more interested in the whole traveling aspect of my life as well. Seeing that I've been out of the country a total of 2 times; I think it's about time to squeeze in another trip. Research-what I've been doing all night for the most part. Next summer, the plan is to study abroad and venture off to either Ireland, Europe, England/Scotland, or London. Gosh; gonna be tough to choose for sure. Anddd, I'm real interested in Invisible Children. Gonna start hittin' up the meetings each week on campus here to see how I can get involved. If I keep on this track of not knowing what the HECK I'm wanting to major in, I might take a semester off and intern in California/Uganda for them. I've always wanted to go to Africa. We'll see how things fall into place and what God has planned for me though.

Alright well, I really hope this whole "modivated" side of me keeps up. Ha. I like it. I have so much more to write about I feel like, but since we're now on this modivation shpeel, I'm really craving some sort of candy. So, Wal Mart run?

More to come.

Not a fan of "no internet".

Lack of wi-fi in my dorm=lack of writing on my blog.


Not a fan.

Here we are again at the start.

How is it that someone can want to stay, yet leave so bad at the same time?


Stillllll packing.

Fashionista.

I've always had the dream of doing something in the fashion field. Not necessarily "designing" clothes persay, more of putting them together.. ? Spotting trends, there we go. Especially vintage. Paris? Eh, maybe that's a little too much of a fairy-tale type of wish. California, New York? Might as well start saving up now; wouldn't be a bad idea to at least go and experience the city life/fashion capitals for awhile before my hopes get too high. Summer 2010?

Anyway, I'm currently listenin' and lovin' This Town Needs Guns. Personally, a big fan of the 'different' sound they have. Original, yet clean cut; not to mention catchy. Best part? They happen to be from Oxford. Uh huh, uh huhhh. Lend 'em an ear, would ya?

Alright, time to turn in for the night. Yes, surprising that it's ONLY 3 am. But let's be honest, mixed with the 30 minutes of sleep I happened to cram in last night, this can't be healthy. Although I'll have to confess that I am pretty proud of myself for stickin' to this so far. Day 2 and counting.


Even when we're being stubborn, he gives me butterflies.

One Quick Excerpt.

Oh, and small "add-on": I forgot how relaxing/breathtaking early sunrises are, seeing as I'm quite the opposite of a morning person. Highly recommended.


Coffee Time.

Insomnia.

As I lie on top of my 'soon to be packed' black comforter, my brain just can't seem to find the off switch to the wheels that keep turning in my head. Thought after thought, I'm finally giving up on the effort of trying to get even a minute of sleep tonight... why not keep the tradition going? Honestly, I can't seem to figure out if it's the unbearable choir of chirping crickets outside my window, my younger brother's booming music bass from his oversized stereo (which happens to shake the entire house with each beat), or the fact there is something seriously wrong with my sleeping pattern. Maybe a mixture of the three?

Ah, wait: stress. Bulls eye. That's gotta be what it is, right? As my mind bounces from what I'm going to do with my life, to how I'm going to loose these extra pounds I've managed to slab onto my 5'3" frame this summer, I feel as if an ongoing ping-pong game is going on in my head. Back and forth, back and forth; with one bounce leading to another. No winner, no ending. The mere stress of packing up the rest of room, not to mention the fact I'm one of the biggest procrastinator's I know. Stress of finding a job once I get back to Cleveland. Stress of paying for car insurance, phone bill, gas, clothes, food, and saving up for, eventually, an apartment. Stress of getting good grades and keeping up with the dreaded research papers. Stress that I STILL don't know what I want to do with my life. Stress that my life is actually going anywhere at all. Stress that I'm not going to measure up to the daughter my parents want me to be; the 'role model' for the rest of the family. Guess that's what comes with being first born though, huh? Sometimes I feel like the ping pong ball will never stop. Which brings me to the thought, 'Is there even a reason for all this stress?' Logically, one would read that question and almost immediately reply with a shrug, maybe a phony chuckle, and blurt out a big fat 'No.' After reading back through the sneak peek of my stress list, I wish I could do the same. Is my life really as stressful as I make it seem? Am I a total whack-o and over think way to much? Eh, it's arguable. Really though, my life truly isn't that bad; I'm not one of those 19 year old girls who have one of those white knuckle, grip the edge of your seat kind of stories. You know, the kind of life story where you could warp it into an ongoing series of movies or reality show. Not quite my life. Sure, I've had ups and downs; matter of fact, I'm still on the roller coaster ride as we speak. What it comes down to is this: my point that my over thinking gets the best of me. It causes stress, causes me to feel like a hopeless Raggedy Ann doll at times.

Wow, let me stop there. When I write, I tend to give a little more than a simple 'glimpse' of my thoughts. Sincere apologies. Maybe time for a new title for my blog perhaps? Already?

What it comes down to is, all in all I'm looking at this blog as a way to let loose of a few of the chunks of stress clogging up my life. Okay, I take that back. No, everyday won't be a giant stress bomb exploding all over the entry section of my daily blog, but I'm seeing this as a fresh start. A way to sort out my thoughts; whether the day persists to be one of those ear-to-ear whistle while you work sort of days, or just downright gloomy. And seeing that writing is a personal forte', mixed along with the inspiration from my best friend, I decided to ditch the run of the mill spiral notebook and take on a more advance, technological path.


Blogging world, here I come.